A Short History of Medicine
2000 B.C. - “Here, eat this root.”
1000 B.C. - “That root is heathen, say this prayer.”
1850 A.D. - “That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.”
1940 A.D. - “That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.”
1985 A.D. - “That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.”
2000 A.D. - “That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.”
~unknown author

So silly we humans are, always trying to find the right cure for what ails us. What ails me at the moment is post surgery discomfort…also known as pain.

To have parts of your innards removed is quite an experience. Not like birthing a baby, and although that is the forceful and often unpleasant removal of a part of your body, when they remove other body parts you don’t take them home and feed them for the next 20 years. Just how it is. Call it a perk.

Also, I must make known to all of you fitness freaks who always promote the core strength workouts. Sure your core needs to be strong. Sure your core muscles hold in all the important stuff and sure your core muscles are what you use in every movement you make. BUT when they cut right through them suckers to get at whatever they are removing it really makes squat difference how strong they were before they cut through them. They. Are. Cut.

Perhaps it will matter that I did sit-ups every damn day in a week or so when I begin to be able to walk upright again. I’ll let you know. For now it’s all I can do to get out of bed.

Did you know that you use your stomach muscles to take a shit?! Well, trust me, you do. Too bad we don’t have super control over our anal sphincter muscles to just open that sucker and let the crap fall out. Doesn’t work like that. Probably a good thing in general that we don’t. (aside: I’m sure there are YouTube videos or other unsavory photos and such of people with that kind of control. I can imagine and that’s bad enough, I don’t need the links. Thanks anyway.)

I want to make my bed every time I get out of it only to get back in it again. I don’t. Moving around a lot hurts more than the fact my blanket is asymmetrically hanging off the bed. But only a little more. It’s a slow learning curve.

For those with a genuine concern, I am doing well and being yelled at for trying to do things I shouldn’t be doing. So take comfort in that. I gotta sleep now. I don’t get yelled at for sleeping. Go figure.