104 Days to Goal.
Holy moly I feel like I’m busy and I hate that feeling.
I lived with anxiety for years, having the occasional anxiety attack complete with tachycardia and thinking I’d never be able to control it. I refuse to take pills for ailments of this sort; I’m not going to drug myself into submission. I will take the occasional pain killer or anti-biotic or cold meds and the like, but drugs to keep me in a mind-altered state is something I’ve chosen not to participate in. My mind-altering drug of choice is alcohol. I can control the level of mind alteration that comes with that unlike a pill that you swallow and have no control over the amount of alteration; it just does its thing. [side note: If you cannot keep yourself from drinking, if you ever have an uncontrollable urge to drink, please seek professional help. Alcohol is a drug (as is nicotine, but I’m not talking about that right now). Always keep that in mind. Abuse of anything is wrong. Period.]
Control. That’s my word. I like to be in control. It doesn’t mean I have to drive or play couch commando. In fact, I like not making decisions of that sort. But I have a need to be in control of my life and if I feel out of control in anyway, that’s when I start to feel anxious. So I am learning that when a change must be made in my life, I have to make small alterations until I am where I need to be. This is a level of change I can manage.
That said, I am finding that I actually enjoy how I feel after going to the track. In the past, if I were feeling busy, I’d have let the track be the first thing to go. I’d say to myself: “who has time to exercise?” and I’d continue to feel like shit even if things were getting done. I feel lighter when I exercise. It shows in the other things I do. I sometimes think heavy translates from one aspect of life to another. Heavy is heavy no matter what you’re doing.
The little changes I’ve made have altered my state of mind; changed my thinking. I might be busy, but now I must go to the track to make sure I have the energy to do what things need to be done. Funny how that works, isn’t it? The more energy I expend at the track, the more energy I have to accomplish things.
This has been a ramble-y kind of post and perhaps I’ll elaborate more on different aspects later. For now, I’m telling you to change your thinking and if you have, to not give up on yourself no matter what you’re trying to change about you.
BTW, I’ve lost 1 1/2 inches off my waist… and it’s only been 10 days. I haven’t been working that hard at it either. Go figure.
Happy Monday. Let’s have a good week, k?
